This Christmas Journey
by tiger002
Summary: The road of life will be dimly lit at times, and you won't be able to see the twist and turns you'll soon reach. But as dark as it may be, a candle will still light the way


**This Christmas Journey**

Looking out over the dark roads again, he will ponder the year that had been. A time filled with loss, a time filled with worry, a time filled with fear.

He will ponder on those all.

He will remember the many moments of the past year. The time meeting new friends, the time spent with those he'd known for years but saw far too rarely, and of course, the time spent with family that sometimes seemed to last too long and sometimes faded too fast.

While turning the brightness of his lights as high as they will go, he will make the first turn on his way home.

He will think on how the constants in his life seemed to have changed over this year.

He will think to that drive across the country, for a funeral of a man he looked up to, his hero, taken from this world all too soon.

He will think of the drive to the hospital on Christmas, his brother's recovery from sugary not going as he believed.

He will think of his job, one that seemed to be going so well but one where now uncertainty now loomed. Logical decisions made, realignment pondered, and a welcome change to come it seemed.

But change none the less.

And with change came risk.

And he will feel a tinge of fear from that risk while wondering if this will truly be for the best.

And while driving home on that dark road, he'll know that no change comes without pain.

Throughout all the fun times with his family over these past few weeks, he'll know that the time apart will be for far longer. As with every Christmas and New Year's, he'll vow to be in contact more, to call every week, to visit more often.

But he'll know that the coming year would just be more of the same.

He'll reach the highway, the auto pilot taking over, and he'll see the few other travelers likely on their way back home just like him.

He'll consider turning around, thinking that maybe he could stay for one night more, that they could be a complete family all in one place again.

He'll think back to the holidays of his youth, when he believed in the Christmas miracle of his family being together again, only for Christmas to come and go like nothing had really changed.

He'll remember the Christmas's prior, the rush they all entailed, the tension within his small family, and the joy as it grew. He'll think of things that he wished he could have cherished more then, and wish he hadn't been so angry when his niece thought that his hat would make the fire even prettier.

And then he'll remember how his mom laughed, and he'll have thought about all the trouble that he and Zack caused her over the many years. Karma did have a way of coming around, and he'll smile at that.

He'll remember the movies he and his brother watched a hundred times now being shared with Zack's kids, and he'll remember what it means to be family, and how driving away from them seemed to go against that.

But despite the distance, he'll know that family is bonded by the heart, and that though a great deal of time may pass without seeing each other, that bond doesn't fade. As the miles go by in front of him, he'll ponder his life's choices. He'll remember his brother's time in the hospital at this Christmas, the hope that this would be all he'd have to endure and then his life would return for normal.

The one driving across the country will feel guilt at that, knowing that indeed his life would be normal as he returns to his normal job and normal life.

But for his brother, the challenges will be far from over. He'll wish for a way to make something better, hope that the doctors could find a cure that would keep Zack from needing to see them for a while. He'll have wished that the complications and infections would just be a statistical anomaly and wouldn't be part of his normal family.

Of course, Zack always was an anomaly.

And as the brother sees the lane end in front of him merge he'll be reminded that with medicine, the simple plans can easily go array. He'll be glad at the tests that came back negative, showing a few things that didn't need to make him worry

As the street lights pass overhead, the candle sitting in the passenger seat will reflect the light for just a moment, but that moment will remind him of it sitting in the hospital room, lit for a brief moment on Christmas Day, before the staff could complain about a flame in the middle of the room. But for only a time, the light did indeed shine, and he will know that the light will shine again.

He'll think about all the times the light had glowed before, from small apartments, to hotel suites to a ship crossing the ocean, and even to an airplane many miles off the ground, the light still glowed.

And as the night wears on, he'll know that though there are many unknown things in the coming year, the light will continue to shine.

 **A/N:** Maybe next year I can get my story out close to Christmas than MLK day. But regardless, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year everyone.

Once again, my story with the twins is inspired by some of the challenges of my life. There have been a lot of things this past year that haven't gone how I would have wished, but there have been a lot of great things too. It's easy to get wrapped up in focusing on the bad, but I have been blessed in many ways.


End file.
